Chappelle’s Show – “Making the Band” – Uncensored

Chappelle’s Show – “Making the Band” – Uncensored


– CONGRATULATIONS. Y’ALL MADE IT INSIDE
THE HOUSE. YOU DID GOOD. ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS WHAT’S UP: YOU CAN LIVE HERE.
YOU CAN RECORD HERE. YOU CAN BE
BAD BOY ARTISTS HERE, BUT IF YOU WANNA DO IT, FIRST Y’ALL GOTTA WALK TO QUEENS
AND GET ME A SUGAR COOKIE. – A SUGAR COOKIE?
MAN, THIS IS CRAZY. – WE GOT IT.
COME ON, MAN. BAD BOY. – A SUGAR COOKIE, MAN. LOOK, THIS IS NOT WHAT I GOT IN
THE MUSIC BUSINESS TO BE DOING, TO BE A SUGAR COOKIE-GETTER. YOU KNOW, I’M A RAPPER. WHO ARE THE FIVE BEST RAPPERS
OF ALL TIME? THINK ABOUT IT. DYLAN, DYLAN, DYLAN, DYLAN,
AND DYLAN BECAUSE I SPIT HOT FIRE. – THAT’S A GOOD-ASS
SUGAR COOKIE. YOU GUYS ARE OFFICIAL NOW.
WELCOME TO BAD BOY. IT’S BAD BOY, BABY. CAN’T STOP.
WON’T STOP. UH-UH, UH-UH. I’M SENDING Y’ALL
TO THE STUDIO. I WANT YOU TO TURN
DADDY OUT A HIT, BUT I NEED YOU TO BE
A FAMILY UNIT AND LOVE EACH OTHER,
OR THIS WILL NEVER WORK. – THAT’S RIGHT, MAN,
THAT’S RIGHT. – GO OUT THERE
AND GET DADDY A HIT. I’M GONNA TAKE A NAP. – WHAT’D YOU DO? [all shouting] – LET ‘EM FIGHT!
LET ‘EM FIGHT! [all shouting] – I’M SHUTTIN’
THE STUDIO DOWN. [record scratches] [all scoff] – THE ONLY WAY I COULD
KEEP THE STUDIO OPEN IS IF Y’ALL GO OUT AND WALK THROUGH
NORTHERN NEW JERSEY, GET ME A SET
OF LEFT-HANDED GOLF CLUBS. I ALSO NEED YOU TO TAKE
A PICTURE WITH A MIDGET HOLDIN’ THESE BALLOONS. TAKE A PICTURE WITH A MIDGET HOLDIN’ THESE BALLOONS,
HOLDIN’ THESE BALLOONS. YOU DID IT. YOU WENT OUT, YOU FOUND MY MAN–
YOU FOUND A MIDGET, MAN– AND YOU GOT THE PICTURES;
YOU GOT THE GOLF CLUBS. HERE’S THE KEYS
TO THE STUDIO. NOW, IF Y’ALL EXCUSE ME, I’M GOING SCUBA DIVING WITH
CHRIS TUCKER AND AQUAMAN. YOU BE COOL. GIDDYUP. [people clamoring] – WHAT’S HAPPENING? WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMILY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOT LIKE THIS, MAN! – Y’ALL NOT WORKIN’ LIKE A TEAM. I GOTTA SHUT
THE STUDIO DOWN, YO. [record scratches] ALL RIGHT, THE ONLY WAY
I’LL OPEN THE STUDIO UP NOW– Y’ALL GOTTA WALK UPTOWN
TO THE BRONX AND GET BREAST MILK
FROM A CAMBODIAN IMMIGRANT. I ONLY DRINK
THE FINEST BREAST MILKS. GO OUT THERE
AND MILK A CAMBODIAN. IT’S 100% CAMBODIAN, YO. IT’S THE REAL SHIT. [bottles clinking] ♪ BREAST MILK ♪ ♪ YOU MADE MY DA-AY ♪ NOT ONLY AM I GONNA
OPEN THE STUDIO UP, I’M SENDIN’ YOU IN THERE
WITH A LEGEND. THAT’S RIGHT,
WYCLEF, PLAYBOY. – NO DISRESPECT,
I WANTED TO WORK WITH WYCLEF MORE THAN I WANTED
TO WORK WITH PUFF. – YO, DYLAN, YOU READY
TO GET IT STARTED, BABY? – ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. [clears throat] ♪ BUMBACLAAT, BUMBACLAAT ♪ ♪ BUMBA BUMBA BUMBACLAAT ♪ ♪ A RUMP UN TOMP,
A RUMP UN TING ♪ ♪ A RUMPA TUMPA TUMP,
A RUMP UN STING ♪ ♪ I RIP AND I RHYME,
I RHYME AND I RIP ♪ ♪ DIS IS THE WAY
THAT DYLAN SPITS ♪ YOU–YOU TRYIN’ TO GET
SOME OF THIS HOT FIRE? – WE CAN EITHER MAKE THIS SONG
OR NOT MAKE THIS SONG. – YOU’RE TOO CLOSE, MAN!
YOU’RE TOO CLOSE, MAN! – HEY, Y’ALL GONNA CHOKE
A LEGEND? YOU DON’T THINK
I WANT TO CHOKE PEOPLE? YOU CAN’T JUST CHOKE
ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. THIS TAKES HARD WORK. IF I HAD MY WAY,
I’D NEVER WORK. I’D JUST STAY HOME ALL DAY,
WATCHSCARFACE50 TIMES, EAT A TURKEY SANDWICH, AND HAVE SEX ALL FUCKIN’ DAY. THEN I’D DRESS UP LIKE A CLOWN
AND SURPRISE KIDS AT SCHOOLS. THEN I’D TAKE A DUMP
IN THE BACK OF A MOVIE THEATER AND JUST WAIT TILL SOMEBODY SAT IN IT,
HEAR IT SQUISH. THAT’S FUNNY TO ME. THEN I’D PAINT AND READ
AND PLAY VIOLIN. I’D CLIMB THE MOUNTAINS AND SING THE SONGS
THAT I LIKE TO SING. BUT I DON’T GOT
THAT KIND OF TIME. PLAYBOY.
PLAYBOY. YOU JUST GONNA COMB
YOUR HAIR, PLAYBOY? SARA, YOU JUST GONNA TALK UP
ALL YOUR ANYTIME MINUTES? IS THIS ANYTIME?
HUH? BABS, YOU JUST GONNA SIT THERE
AND CHOP ONIONS RIGHT NOW, HUH? GOOD TIME TO CHOP ONIONS? LOOK AT THIS NIGGA. YOU JUST GONNA
DO YOUR TAXES, NESS? YOU JUST GONNA SIT THERE
AND CRUNCH NUMBERS? HUH, IS THAT HOT? IS THAT WHAT’S GOIN’ ON
IN THE STREETS RIGHT NOW, YOUR TAXES? ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS,
AND I GOT SOME BAD NEWS, Y’ALL. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT
I’M SHUTTIN’ DOWN THE STUDIO. [record scratches] THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT I JUST SAVED A LOT
OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE. FONZWORTH,
BRING ME A SANDWICH! [Outkast’s
The Way You Move
playing] [upbeat hip-hop music] HE CAN FLY, MAN. HE CAN FLY.
HE BELIEVES IN HIMSELF. – ♪ I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOVE ♪ – EH-EH, EH-EH, EH-EH. – ♪ I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOVE ♪

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